A Living Mirror

posted in: Life | 3

Facing myself IS the HARDEST lesson. I REALLY REALLY don’t wanna go there. BUT it’s the only way to wake up. And we (you, me, etc etc) REALLY REALLY do wanna wake up, which leaves us no choice. WE gotta do it. We gotta go there ~ into that scary horrible ugly part of ourselves. The part of me that my sweet EGO protects so coyly. After all, I IDENTIFY myself as NOT that. I am soooo different from OTHER people who do that. Yeah, right.

Just returned from hanging out with all 8 of my sibs, their “spice” as well as a handful of nieces and nephews. Our Mom died just before Valentine’s Day and we rented a big beach house. All of us. TOGETHER. In one house. Imagine. The noise of everyone talking was a lesson in patience itself. Now I really love these folks, BUT an hour or a couple of hours is ENOUGH. After several days covert strains in the relationships begin to manifest and growl….grrrrr. I begin to wish I had more patience, more humility, more generosity of spirit, more confidence, and above all, more kindness.

The hardest part of being with these folks I grew up with is that they really do know me. As much as I want to think that I’m somehow different and alienated from them, as much as I try to marginalize myself, in my core, I know that the parts of them that I don’t like or appreciate, their character flaws, their spiritual weaknesses, are, to some degree, also mine. Furthermore, their complaints or, in the case of my family, their jokes about my flaws are probably right on. There is no sense even to try to counter their accusations.

Ring-Billed Gull on Lake Erie (ckg photo)

That’s the problem with being a close family. We know one another perhaps more than we’d like to admit. When I look at one of them, it’s as if I am looking in a mirror. They reflect back to me who I am. Even if I don’t want to see that particular part of myself. Of course, it works the other way as well. Sometimes I can see such beauty and purity of spirit in one of my sibs that I immediately jump to claim as being a part of THAT family.

To continue to grow however,I need to push through the soft spots of ease and learn to soften the harder areas of dis-ease and un-comfort.

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3 Responses

  1. So true. That’s why I think it’s so important not to take oneself too seriously. Not to think of oneself as a sage or saint, but just an ordinary human being.
    .-= nothingprofound´s last blog .. =-.

  2. Very nice post.

    My father just passed away in early January ( http://bit.ly/7I0s4f ) and I had a similar experience with the pleasures of being together with my three sisters, then the tension as one stayed on too long afterwards to “help”. After a week I was literally craving some time alone.

    Bob Weisenberg
    .-= Bob Weisenberg´s last blog ..Please help me choose a subtitle for my book =-.

  3. Bob, I’m very sorry to hear of your Dad’s passing. I was very moved reading about him. And yes, since I’ve returned home, friends with very kind hearts try to pull me out and about, but I grow weary and crave time to nurture myself at home.

    Finding new outlets for my creativity and energy has helped immensely. I’m doing some things that I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but was too involved in the usual routine to dive in. For instance, I have been having fun with my photos on IMAGEKIND.

    Hope this week blossoms lighter for you.

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