Full moon or Gibbous, Swansboro NC (Michael Grady photo)

gibbous moon slants

poems composed in darkness

feverish heart beats

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carolyn and priscilla lasecki kieber

Death reminds me that there is really only one way to live. From the heart of love.

Returned last night from burying Mom in North Carolina. A devoted Catholic, Priscilla Lasecki Kieber embodied the heart of bhakti yoga.

Whether she was sitting on the beach, enjoying the beauty of the rolling oceanic waves, preparing cake for a crowd of company, or volunteering in a community group, I’ve always admired the way she lived beyond the fray of “talk.” From a steady and patient center, she infused her relationships with the steady gift of herself.

Her home was was filled with Madonna icons and crucifixes ~ symbols of the objects of her love. She seemed happiest when she was in church, whether at daily Mass or evening novenas. A blessed string of rosary beads were never far away from her praying hands. If she missed a Sunday service, she was heart-broken. How soon would she return to the abode of her Beloved?

Her devotion to the Divine gave her a steady stream of wisdom and strength throughout her 87 years.

Trinity Evangelical Lutheran Church window, Amherst NY

Friends sent me poems of comfort this morning. Here is a short stanza from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran:

Only when you drink from the river of

Silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountain

Top, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your

Limbs, then you shall truly dance.

In death, as in her long life, Mom is surely dancing with her Beloved. It is through taking small steps and opening our hearts, one kind word at a time, and refraining from one little meanness after another, that we can join her in this Blissful Tango.

Mom would have loved this video of Henri Nouwen’s sermon on THE BELOVED:

READ MORE: a lovely blog post on a bhakti workshop by one of my fav German yoginis, Lilylotuswillow: http://lilylotus.wordpress.com/2009/09/17/david-newman-workshop/#comment-312

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If you’ve found this page, then you have discovered that LaughingYogini has reincarnated as Barefoot & UpsideDown.

In an effort to create a name that more accurately reflected the site content, the shift was probably inevitable.

*Really, I have never done laughter yoga, though who knows, you may find me sometime rocking my belly in the loudest, most ungainly gulps of mirth with an official laughter group.

*Another thing, I’M NOT EVEN FUNNY ~ not in writing on this blog anyway. As much as I WANT to be humorous, not many jokes appear here.

I DO wholeheartedly embrace the notion of laughing at myself AND of bringing a light touch into the studio and practice. That I will continue to write about.

I apologize to those of you who may get thrown off as the address shifts. It’ll take me a bit to find all the places I’ve registered as LY and change them over. Also, please check your RSS Feed. In the process of combing through the site, we found that was not working correctly.

So even though I’ve been searching for over a year to find a replacement for LY (ever try to discover an untaken domain name?), there is some sadness in watching her go.

Please join me in welcoming this new/old one into the blogosphere and wishing a HAPPY BIRTH DAY to Barefoot & Upside Down!

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Fredonia NY October rose (ckg photo)

What is it about being upside down that causes such a rush? Is it the increased blood flow? Is it the heart rest? Is it because Mind rests more easily and fully when the legs are up? Is it more psychological: being upside down forces up to look at the world with a different perspective?

Last night I practiced inversions. Beginning with headstand (sirsasana) where I am still working at moving my legs away from resting upon the wall. This is a years loooong struggle for me.But it took me years to be able to kick up by myself, so the lesson is patience ~ and practice. Being in the unsettled throws of perimenopause, there are many weeks, or months where it is not advisable to practice inversions, so I grow frustrated at my lack of progress. And yet, every breath where my feet are not resting upon the wall I claim as personal victory… over what?  My body or my mind or a bodymind combo that seems intent upon keeping me earthbound when all my heart wants to do is to fly?

Three conscious breaths. That’s all I EVER need. No matter what posture I am inhabiting.

Then I did three pincha mayurasanas without kicking up. You may call these bent arm dogs. An attempt to strengthen my arms for the eventual day when I will be able to kick up! I am resolved to continue the practice, no matter how many years it takes. Then I did one half handstand where the shakes took over and I breathed through them, but then came down into child pose when I felt as if my feet where going to fall off the wall anyway. Can you relate?

Then shoulderstand (sarvangasana) wherein I found a perfect support system ~ ahhh, what joy when the body feels supported and can relax into a pose! I used four blankets folded in quarters and laid one upon the other in a stair step fashion to support my neck and two blankets folded half again laid side by side and angled at one end away from each other making a valley for the neck to drop into with the shoulders supported upon the blankets themselves. A chair placed at the end of my mat provided support for my feet during plough. My back is not feeling particularly strong these days so I scissor kicked one leg at a time down to the chair for ekapada sarvagasana.

I was surprised at the end of the practice that an hour and a half had flown by. All I’d done were four inversions!

A student said today that whenever she practiced legs up the wall, her Mind began to race.  Thanks, but no thanks she said when offered an eye bag. A sandbag placed upon a block with the end resting upon her forehead offered minimal relief. So during this  morning’s class I suggested she try lifting further into an inversion. She is slow and fearful of inversions, so we went for viparita karani with hips supported on a bolster and legs supported as well as ankles belted. Due to persistent hot flashes, we didn’t bother with a blanket tucked around her feet and legs. The set-up did bring her some relief, but we’ll continue working on her moving deeper into inversions. For savasana, I suggested some torso and head support with bolster and blanket.

I’d love to hear how you work inversions into your practice.

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January 11, 2010 FOCUS: Standing Pose Flow

Last night I spent some time writing and pondering my dreams, which has been a theme this month, both at the Comfort Cafe and on  the cool blog I recently discovered, Chris Guillebeau’s The Art of Noncomformity.

In the middle of this quiet activity,a strong tug drew me into the standing poses. David Darling’s musical massage “balance” cd pulled me into a flow: Triangle (Trikonasana), Warrior 2 (Virabhadrasana 2), Right Angle (Parsvakonasana), Half Moon (Ardha Chandrasana), Warrior 3 (Virabhadrasana 3), Warrior 1 (Virabhadrasana 1), Parsvottanasana, and Prasarita.

I practiced each pose on one side and then the other, focusing on creating a graceful flow.

When needed, a block provided support. Wooden or bamboo blocks would have been better suited to my needs because the foam blocks I have are too unstable. Balance was an issue. In part,  because of the double mats I use in the basement. Next time I’ll take my chances with a single mat. On the other hand, being rather unstable pushed me to focus even more.

One of the challenges of practicing a flow is to maintain focus in the body. Awareness of your own movement through space sharpens. There is strength in graceful movement! When Mind wanders, the quivery limbs follow suit and who knows where you’ll end up?

I ended up laughing at myself and my perfection-seeking. Then refocused, and tried the pose again.

My back began feeling the flow, so I went into child pose and then savasana using a bolster beneath my knees, a blanket beneath my head, and a sandbag on my lower abdomen. One of the heavier eye bags placed on my forehead helped quiet my mind.

I often enter a timeless space when practicing deep relaxation, it’s usually much longer than I had sensed. Was surprised last night at the amount of time I had been in corpse. Only ten minutes. My intention had been for a longer stay, at least twenty minutes. Hmmm, maybe use a timer next time. Or not, and just go with the flow of BodyMind consciousness.

What do you think?

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Jan.10, 2010 FOCUS: Seated forward bends and twists

viparita karani, legs up the wall pose

This afternoon I practiced viparita karani (legs up the wall) on my platform bed. At first, I thought I’d put on a cd but then decided against it, so I could enter a more meditative state. What happened was that I entered a more somnambulistic state.

My snoring woke me up 45 minutes later! There is something, some unknown quality, to a yogic nap that never fails to leave me feeling refreshed and wonderful.

Ten minutes of supta baddha konasana in the early evening. Became aware of energy moving upwards from lower torso. A good feeling!

At eleven o’clock I started for the studio for my usual before-bed practice. Just as I was heading down into the basement, there was a phone call from my daughter. What’s a mommy-yogini to do? I didn’t want to ignore my daughter, but I also didn’t want to ignore my practice. So I did both!

Donning headphones, I went to my mat that was already set up and waiting for me, and situated on a folded blanket, I practiced seated forward bends and twists as we chatted.

After our conversation, I sat in baddha konasana and practiced ujjayi breathing. I found it a challenge to lift mula bandha on the exhalation in this pose. Faith! practice will get me there.  I kept my eyes open, gaze about two feet ahead of me on the floor and felt like an island of energy, breathing into the universe.

I struggled keeping my mind focused on the breath, much more so than usual. Perhaps it was the phone call, perhaps it was that Mike came down and began practicing on the other side of the room, perhaps it was due to my eyes being open. I almost never practice pranayama with open eyes, but I have been trying to keep my eyes open throughout my practice these days, in an effort to not drop so deep and still. I am striving to stay present, connected, and aware. Lots of room for growth here!

After the pranayama, I reclined for all three versions of supta padangusthasana (reclined leg lifts, holding the big toe) and supta pascimottanasana (two legs up, holding with a strap). Then I shifted to sphinx, and several cobras, playing with my hand positions. I noticed that as I moved my hands farther back, more in line with my waist, that it was easier to pull my tail/pubic bone down, creating more space in my lower back. A couple of bent-arm dogs to bent-arm planks pumped my blood and got the shakes going. I welcomed these muscle-strengthening shakes, though afterward rewarded myself with an extended balasana, child’s pose.

Time for shoulderstand, sarvangasana. My typical set-up uses three blankets and a mat piece on top. That supports my neck and shoulders. Usually I place a folding chair at the end of my mat for my feet to rest on during halasana, plough pose, but since I had stretched the backs of my legs so much with all of those  forward bends, I decided to push it a bit and use a block. That worked fine.

Savasana. Even though my mind was quite active at the beginning of practice, as I remained in corpse, I traveled deeper and into quieter territory. Sometimes the journey within feels physical. Layer by layer dissolves into …what?…ether?, air?, the universe?,…or do we just let the outer layers slip out of our consciousness, they are there all along but we grow less aware of them? This would describe the yogic limb of PRATYAHARA, or sensory withdrawal.

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Form and Meaning Arises (carolyn grady photo)

One who perseveres on the path of noncovetousness gains deep understanding of the meaning of life. (trans. B. Bouanchaud)

I DO pray for aparigraha to blossom in my life like a spiritual flower showering me with the clarity and buoyancy of a saint. This yama, suggests I relinquish that which I hold onto. I need to lessen my grip. It’s a manner of looking at the world, myself, my relationships, and of course, my STUFF.

This late December season which holds my birthday as well as the Christmas potlatch does tend to stoke the fire of WANTING. This wanting always throws me off a bit because I’m usually  contented with life and feel the need to GET RID of stuff in life-simplifying gestures.

As I grow older, less becomes critically important for me to own/do.  The years teach me what I can do without.  When Mike’s grandmother was in her nineties, she used to tell us “less is best.”  The year we lived in a small apartment in Bombay taught the whole family how little we could live on/with—and still have a happy life. It was a blessing that I didn’t always appreciate. After I returned to the States,my life in India took on a special radiance that I slowly realized came from simplicity and a lessening of the grip STUFF has on me. This awareness also grew from a growing sense of the riches present in my life, a sense of overflowing abundance.

Nischala Joy Devi ( The Secret Power of Yoga) discusses Aparigraha in terms of “awareness of abundance, and fulfillment.”  By meditating on abundance, noncovetousness naturally disappears. When practicing lovingkindness or metta meditation, I add abundance to the fourth line of the mantra: May I live in ease and abundance. It’s part of the process of evolving away from my poverty mentality.

A poem from my collection Barefoot & Upside Down:

the crumbling bark café

beneath an overcast sky

I lean against a tamarack

and spy the red-shouldered

hawk’s eyes on me

there is nowhere to hide

from her keen sight

we both keep still and watch and breathe

eventually her mate circles and cries

I feel so big and my body

growing earthen

overhead the clouds fly like planes

two red-breasted nuthatches in a dead jack pine

poke their beaks in decaying wood

it’s lunch at the crumbling bark café

I imbibe the tender wind

the moist air

splash in the ditch singing in overflow mode

wonder if I’ll see the garter snakes this year

a ball of glorious reptilian copulation

surprised me once before

seeking the specials du jour

I find a young sapsucker

tapping holes on a cottonwood bole

a chestnut-sided warbler intently feeding

in the old sap wells where insects

swarm to sugar

and a female oriole

so sophisticated  in yellow and black

explores hole to hole along a horizontal ring

slipping her slit tongue again and again

my belly growls

why do I never have enough?

**************************************

Bernard Bouanchaud takes us deep into the heart of this Yama: ” When the mind no longer worries about acquiring and keeping goods, we understand where we come from, where we are, and where we are going. We discover the meaning of existence….”

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I am tackling the NANOWRIMO challenge this month, so blog posting has taken a back seat, I am sorry to say to my loyal readers and friends. However, what a great time to begin a haiku-post tradition expanding Laughing Yogini’s Poetry tradition? 

There is a great tradition of linking haiku and meditation, particularly zen practice ~ look for a post on that topic AFTER November. Photo coming to this page soon.

In the meanwhile, I recommend you check out Mahala’s Friday Flowers. How I could ever have the audacity to post any of my flower pics after seeing her incredible PHOTOGRAPHIC  MEDITATIONS is something I may figure out in the next life.

Enjoy!

***************************************************

single dandelion

chilly autumn morning breaks

monotonous green

***************************************************

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What is it that I am waiting for? Why do I think I am not good enough or strong enough or smart enough or beautiful enough or kind enough? Why is the ripeness, the fullness of my existence so difficult to accept?

Why do I think someone is more ~ or less ~ then my self? Why do I not see the wholeness in the world around me?

Why is union so elusive?

There is a beauty and joy as the trees in the northeastern US give up their leaves every fall. The world ripens. My prayer is that I may accept and be grateful for the ripeness that is me ~ that is you. However momentary that may be.

Here is a video produced by A Network for Grateful Living (ANG*L) of Poet Jane Hirshfield performing at the Poetry of Gratefulness event at the Herbst Theatre, San Francisco, CA, February 3, 2008. I recommend a visit to: http://www.gratefulness.org…a non-profit organization dedicated to the practice of gratitude. You may want to check out some of the other very worthwhile videos while you’re there!

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Studio Panterra garden fairy (ckg photo)

What is certain in this life?

CHANGE. Only change.

If I am filled with utter happiness, I can sure that at some point, I will no longer enjoy the feeling.

If I am crying my eyes and heart in grief, I know too that that sadness will not last.

You will not last. I will not last.

The stress of this moment will not last, neither will the relaxation.

We are constantly shifting energy in a decaying body thinking fleeting thoughts and feeling a constant flow of emotion.

Whew! There’s something to observe during your next asana practice.

In the meanwhile, here’s a poem:

autumn storm

sliding on

a leafy

mess

underfoot

touching

whirlwinds

of leaves

crisp curled

past lives

living

my sky

so much

like yours

endless too

charged sun-

light’s warmth

& frisson

drew us

towards

the cronk

cronk cronk

of geese

instinctual

flight

and call

what happened

to us

unsettled

milkweed

seedpods

shatter

scattering

embryos

my life

and yours

flying

apart

the skyscape

darkens

every

shade of gray

sleet

needles

blow

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