The question is whose life ARE you living? As you go deeper into meditation and yogic practice, as you connect regularly with your core self, your True Self, this question rears its, often, ugly head. For me, there was a feeling for years that I was living a life that was not my own. I don’t know exactly how I came to this place; I try to work it out in my memoir essays.
Furthermore, I didn’t know how to change, nor did I know what exactly I wanted to change. There were many voices clamoring and flapping around like a flock of hungry starlings inside of me. They created a loud, unhappy chorus. But what to do??? I didn’t have a clue.
Finally, there were some rather emotional events that catapulted me into action. People close to me were going through serious life events, the kind that they might not make it out of alive, and I wanted to be there for them. Unfortunately, with my teaching schedule, I had nothing left over to give–always grading or prepping. Giving everything I had, even though I never felt I had enough.
I looked beyond the poverty-level wage because I loved my students; I loved my department; I loved the field; heck, I even loved my little cubby-hole office. Could I love anything else as much? The love always won out over the obvious mental depletion. It wasn’t an easy decision.
Thankfully, I couldn’t even think whether what I was choosing was right or wrong. Would I regret my decision? Would I land in a morass of deeper unhappiness? Who knew? I knew that I HAD to change and so I left my teaching English post. Fortunately, I was able to leave it open-ended, able to return, should I desire.
At this point in time, the desire is certainly not there–I have no thoughts of returning. WHY? Because now I feel I am living my OWN LIFE. And that has generated much happiness. The ripples flow outward in all directions to those near me. And the happiness grows deeper by the day. A deep well of satisfaction and equanimity grows. Fundamentally, that is really what yoga is all about.
Watch this video and tell us what you think….what changes have you made in your life to stay true to your path? Click the little VIMEO star to view it in full-screen mode.
Breathe in and out of your heart center. Practice Savasana. Everyday. Over and over and over. Keep connected with your source. Keep listening with your inner ears. Eventually, the voice that is yours will surface. Eventually you will know what it is that you want. Meanwhile, enjoy the trip.